Marriages are breaking up, people are breaking down because of societal standards we have been known for and expect to upholds always,
The saying that women build homes still remains our major problem, now I asked? how can a woman builds who doesn’t want to be built,
Marriage is a project of two people who bring in their everything, time, emotion, commitment, resources, energy and tolerance to build. You don’t go into marriage, you build a marriage with your partner.
Unfortunately, as people, we based marriage on endurance, I tell you, as humans, we are to endure things that have “time bounds”, like pain, injuries, child bath etc because we know with time we will overcome the pains, that it will soon stop, be over, those are things to endure not marriage.
Rather we mistake marriage for pains by enduring things that cannot be endured in marriage, in our society, we know you are a wife/husband material when you endure a lot in your marriage, you are a real man when you take every stone thrown at you by your wife without complains same goes to the wife.
Parents, friends and well-wishers encourage you to endure, they remind you, how your great grandparents endure and people who have endured things more than you are going through and encourage you to endure because is not a new thing that you are not going to be an exception,
That is why you are seeing the marriage of 5, 10, 15, and even 20years old breaking up because they were based on endurance which has time-bound and the time has elapsed.
Do you know why? because as humans we are not made to endure for a long time, even Jesus christ at a time, he wish the cup passed him over, every human has a limit him/she can endure, we are expected to tolerate each other, life is all about tolerance, tolerate people not endure people, in marriage chose who you can tolerate.
Rather than tolerating people we are enduring, that is our undoing in our marriage institution today;
The truth is, people who endure in marriage, it will get to a point, is either they explode, react or escalate it beyond our expectation, just as we are seeing today with our celebrities and so many other Nigerians, don’t make it look like is all about the celebrities that end their marriage, it happened every day among Many Nigerians, you are seeing the celebrities because they are on the limelight, is now our culture is living with us until we learn to speak truthfully.
Stop blaming people whenever they finally summons the courage, boldness to speak up, you should understand that they have gotten to the point of no return, having in mind that we react differently to issues,
if they don’t speak up at that point, it has lead to the sudden death of many people, heart attack etc, remember speaking is relative, for men they can walk away, some find solace in the arms of another woman, some result in a beating, women are talking being so it varies by people how they want to express themselves, stop stopping them, with your smarts articles, or professional advice.
Is very unfair for us to start blaming people who have struggled through to the point they can now speak up, or trying to shut them down still that same culture that silences people rather than listens to them, well, I might not blame you-people, much being that we are known to be a pretentious society, is it not obvious to us that this our pretentious nature is destroying us than it should be building us, is it not time we call a spade a spade, say it the way it is,
Blame our men and blame our women respectively rather than always hipping the blame on one party, the women always bears the brunt,
Bing a black man gives you the right to mess up and still be right and no one questions your actions and being a black entertainer man, givers you a bigger stage hmmm.
How do you determine where she expresses herself, she/his sanity should be our major concern rather than our reputation. making people see our marriages as paradise made in heaven, yet, we have many wounded souls living in paradise.
People mess up and retrace their steps, but because no one is pointing at our men, their faults, mistakes, they are not ready to make an amend, rather all blame goes to women, how then do we intend to fix marriage as long as we keep lopsided judgment, what about our toxic women who hid under the pretence of being a woman to torment their husbands, still under hypocritical way of living the society have normalized.
You can have children with many women and still have a good home it all depends on you, still has to do with you as a man, as a woman, your discipline and strength of character ready to make it work but we leave in a society that will never caution the man, but quick to blame the woman who is continuously dying emotionally.
When she speaks, you are telling her, how she should speak, where she should speak, rather than show empathy, but we are so comfortable in keeping people pretending, is all well why we know is not well with their souls, we are so much interested in the face-lift, make-believe and care less about the sanity of our people, my question is this, for how long do we intend to silence them.